(an excerpt from the book by Maurice Harker, M.Ed, Like Dragons Did They Fight.)
Question #1: Why are you fighting? Why don’t you just give up?
It is interesting to watch the reaction of each client when I ask these questions, especially new clients.
I can often tell how bad the addiction is by how long it takes them to answer the two questions and how much depth there is to their answers.
To answer these questions, the individual must move into the values part of his brain (the frontal lobe).
In order for a good man to do bad things, he must lose connection with his value system and drift into his animal brain, where values are not relevant. The time it takes him to travel back to his values system tells me how far away from his value system he is.
Unfortunately, it is the nature of all things on this earth to deteriorate. Buildings fall apart, the ground grows weeds, bodies lose their shape, and brains (especially male brains) drift away from things that matter.
In order for a human brain to stay strong, it must be exercised.
As if dealing with atrophy is not enough, then you add the factor of a strong, negative entity (Satan) who is personally interested in the destruction of your buildings, and casting the seeds of tares (weeds) into your soil.
Now, not only do you have to do the work it takes to maintain your buildings, land, body and mind, but you also must fight to protect them.
Going through the process of answering the questions that go with #1 strengthens the individual’s “body”, maintains their “buildings”, weeds their “gardens”, and returns the mind to the values system.
With respect to protecting the mind, training techniques used in military training, athletic training and music training are used. Drills, drills, and more drills.
It is important to remind the reader that an individual’s true self is found in the values system.
It is my belief that this is where one’s Spirit resides. When there are so many “voices” running around in one’s mind, it is hard to know who you really are. I tell my clients, “You know who you are by what you plan to do.”
Conscious plans are formulated in the values system part of the brain. As the time comes to execute those plans, as they say, all hell breaks loose in an effort to knock you off track. Satan uses whatever he can use, both inside and outside of you, to keep your plans from coming to fruition.
Okay, back to overpowering such Satanic efforts.
The most powerful drill I have ever seen used is for the warrior to get in the habit of writing (in a notebook or journal called the “Captain’s Log”) at least 3 answers to the questions, “Why are you fighting? Why don’t you give up?”
The warrior will be tempted to just think about the answers instead of writing them down. This is like a basketball player who thinks about free-throws versus a player who actually practices the free-throws. Mental practice has it’s value, but it will never be as good as the real thing.
Three a day! Minimum! Some make a ritual of writing them down first thing in the morning, others write them before they go to bed. Some send them to me in a text message. Some send them to all of their supporting friends and family.
The answers usually change over time.
Reasons for fighting for beginners are usually idealistic yet create no increase in energy. We call these “canned answers”.
This is because the answers are as if the young man just opened up a can on a shelf and gave his answer. It is the answer he is “supposed to” give, but there is very little feeling behind it.
The veterans who have experience will attempt to teach the new young man that he is going to have to sharpen his reasons if they are going to work. For beginners, they often have to tap into more base reasons, like, “I hate how I feel right afterwards.” “I want to get control back in my life.” “I am losing important things/events in my life.”
The Book of Mormon teaches us many important things about how to successfully fight in a battle. It discusses the importance of using both Spiritual and Temporal (of the body) powers. Before going into a battle, the warrior must make sure his connection God is solid.
The warrior must remember his dependence on God. He must recommit his loyalty. Then, as the enemy crosses lines toward your loved ones, a transition takes place. As one of our prophets in modern times has said, “Pray as if it all depends on God, act as if it all depends on you.”
The righteous warriors of the Book of Mormon demonstrated the need for ferocity in times of battle. “…they fought for their lives, and for their wives, and for their children; therefore they exerted themselves and like dragons did they fight.” Mosiah 20:11 (italics added)
As part of the drills that a new warrior needs to do when practicing his reasons for fighting, he must find reasons that stoke this ferocity, otherwise known as “releasing warrior chemistry”. Because Satan is not using actual swords and “cimeters” in this modern form of warfare, but body chemistry instead, our warriors must use body chemistry as a weapon to fight back.
So, when listing reasons for fighting, the warrior needs to keep digging in his heart and mind until he finds a reason that triggers the release of warrior chemistry into his body. This is most easily done with men who have daughters. All I have to do is help them imagine some stranger attempting to do unfortunate things to their daughters, and the warrior chemistry floods in.
Married men do well if their wives are under attack. With young men it is more challenging. Most of our young men have never needed to tap into that degree of ferocity. Those that have a history of serious sports involvements have at least experienced the beginnings of warrior chemistry.
Sometimes I have to connect the dots to help the young men see how these invitations to misbehave are intended to make them feel stupid, but more so, to make their future wives cry.
Almost universally, the married men that I work with we addicts while teenagers. They had every intention of stopping the misbehaviors before and during their marriages, but they have been unable to do so. Now their biggest nightmare has arrived. “Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives, and lost the confidence of your children, because of your bad examples before them; and the sobbings of their hearts ascend up to God against you.” (Jacob 2:35)
If you are reading this for your own welfare, please, every day write down the reasons you are fighting against this addiction until you feel the warrior chemistry raging through your blood!
If you are a young man in need of help, please reach out! Sons of Helaman is for YOU! And if you are over 18, the Men of Moroni program can help. These programs have proven to be successful in helping men and young men gain the sexual self-mastery they desire.
For more information, get the FREE ebook, Like Dragons Did They Fight.